Before losing me to myself

Before losing me to myself
I used to be another girl
Before losing me to myself
I had a careful mind
Before being so out of control
I used to think I had it all
A mind, a heart, an awake soul
And I never had to hide
Before my devil broke me
I never used to try
To let my self be happy
I had my peace of mind
I used to let it be
Let my soul go free
Knowing my limited rights and wrongs
The things I put for me
Before I never used to think about a lot of things
Like I never used to doubt myself
I knew what my actions could bring
I never had a reason to think that I was bad
I never had a conflict in sync
With events I might have had
Well before I was so weak
Before I was also wrong
Before I did the right for reasons
Reasons that didn’t belong
Before I used to think
That the goodness was so clear
Before I never feared my self
I didn’t know what’s real
I didn’t think that my biggest enemy
Was in fact inside
I didn’t know that what could hurt me
Was the devil I was trying to hide
Now I know that inside of me
I have to face what’s true
Now Ill fight for what will be
And my weakness will hopefully be through….

Beit gedety...

Malmomeen kol youm gom3a
Kobar w so3’ayareen w keda
Ned7ak w kol el nas sam3a
Molokheya w kofta 3al 3’ada
Nel3ab ma3 ba3d men badry el sob7
Le7ad ma nenzel el sala
Da makan gamiil kolo far7a
W hayefdal howa mahma gara
Howa da beit gedety
Betna we7na so3’ayareen
W keberna aho w beit gedety lesa mekhaleena far7aneen
Henak awel makan aro7o
Sa3et lama etwaladt
W aho kebert w gowa ro7o
Hala2y ketaby etkatab
Shahed 3alaya men youm melady
W ye3raf kol 7ekayaty
Makan aham a7das 7ayaty
W barga3 leeh mahma 7asal..
W la2eno 3’aly 3alaya gedan
W feeh adan el sala yedan
7abeit a3arafko 3aleeih
W nefsy f youm teb2o me3aya feeh
Aslo da beit gedety
W feeh ebtadet kesety

I got lost...

It was a river of passion
And I got lost…
Inside the little ripples
All my pains I forgot
In its tender tiny waves
I let my self dream
And the water continued to rave
I became a little stream
In side the eyes with the little smile
I stopped before I begun
No more thinking and I stayed for a while
I felt all the light of the sun
In a simple move all my dreams come true
As simple as that I’m in love with you
In this dream world I find your heart
But in the real world will we be apart?
As loose as a bird feeling bright as a star
Tight in a grip that makes me go far
No dreams no realities
No now no tomorrow
Not a minute after this
Not a minute before
There is nothing to miss
Nothing to look back to
This moment is what it is
A moment that is true
Unplanned and full of bliss
I will always remember this
Remember you and how you make me feel
And pray with all my heart that this feeling is real.

A truth...

Life is a state of mind

And you know the truth by the way it feels

If you convince your mind that you exist

Your heart will be able to feel

Alive you are not gone in the mist

You know you are so real

But if you say I won’t be missed

Then that’s the end of the deal

Reality is nothing but a dream or a nightmare

You cause it to happen then you say it is unfair

Sometimes things do get out of hand

But then you learn and you understand

Life is the lesson that you shouldn’t miss

You have to realize how simple it is

And though very simple it is complicated

As it’s not yours alone other’s are related

You live their lives and they live yours

You all are together though you have different goals

But remember that all the goals complete each other

That even evil itself is a part of the puzzle

If evil did not exist

Then good wouldn’t be there too

There would be no worriers of light

There would be no demons to fight

And then there would be no higher objective

Nothing in life would be ever effective

So know one thing that is for sure

That no matter how right and wrong may be obscure

The truth is known by the way it feels

And the relativity of judgment

Only makes you sincere

You should live your life with absolutely no fear

As the challenge is to act and survive each fall

Getting hold of all the facts and not backing out at all.

My battle with time

So it was one month in a year
A year that was so cold
In the time I was possessed by fear
And my heart was growing old
I found my self so ignorant
Unable to please myself
I was starting to be reliant
Feeling like a picture on a shelf
Doing nothing to act
All I do is just react
A useless toy to be exact
Doing nothing for me at all
I wanted so much to wait and see
Try to find out how things will be
But then things turned out to be obscene
And I knew that minutes were running out
I found myself in a battle with time
That when ever I wanted anything it turned out to be not mine
And when something good comes along
I seem to feel it is just wrong
And when something does feel so right
I eventually turn out to be losing the fight
And then things are good at both sides
But then the matter of time makes us subside
As when I am ready the others are not
And when they are ready I am not
And if we’re both ready something stands in the way
And if it keeps on going like this I will not be ok
I am trying my best to be easygoing
Trying to accept how things are recently flowing
But my head hurts, my heart hurts and my soul is aching
I am desperately trying everything to keep my heart from breaking
I am trying to understand why happiness must be so hard
Why whenever I need something so bad it has to be really far
Maybe its because when happiness finally comes
The taste is so sensational it makes you over come
All the pain that you’ve been through
And all the things that ever broke you
That when you get what you want in the end
When being finally yourself not having to pretend
You tend to appreciate the things that you have passed
You tend to feel glad that you are there at last!

A grown up!!!

I was going home the other day
The streets were really crowded, but it was ok
I was looking out the window at the people around me
Watching everyone thinking how to be happy
Then came by my window a guy in a tie
He was driving this fancy car looking ready to fly
Full of ambition, has future dreams
But what caught my attention is how young he seems
He could easily pass for a guy my age
Then I thought he’s got a license that’s really strange!
Suddenly I realized that I’ve got one too
I said “oh my god! He’s probably twenty two”
22 is really, so close to my age
Then I realized that soon I could be engaged
Believe me I am not saying a bunch of weird things
By the time my granny was 18 she had a little kid!
And that’s when it hit me that I actually grew up!
That now the little babies think of me as their top!
Oh my goodness now “A grown up” is what I am
It’s a few more years till they start calling me m’am!
I found it very hard to believe
That though almost a lady little I have achieved!
Hahaha! Almost a lady that’s very funny
It seems like just yesterday I was playing with my bunny!
I don’t know what I should say or what I have to do
This poem is probably pointless but it is a break through!
I’ve reached a decision and that’s how it goes:
That no matter how old my body grows
Inside myself Ill remain a child…
Ill be this little baby girl dreaming to be a bride.

Born to be me...

And it’s all because I was born to be me... not to be them…
And they were never to be me... nor will he give up him…
I know now today
That this is it for me
that if it’s meant to be
I’ll one day be happy
I know now that I
might never one day fly
I know now that things
are hard given how hard we try
Living in a fairy tale
is no longer my case
I realize that there is fate
and this truth I will embrace
I opened myself to life and love
and I learned about pain
and learned that above
All my plans and all my dreams
There is reality that isn't like it seems
Now I know that in life
There must be suffering
And if the world gives me one thing
there’s something it isn’t offering
I will just cope with what I have
I won’t despise what I can’t grasp
I will live with my fears and dreams
Hoping that life will be happier than it seems
All I can do is keep being my self
Coz I was born to be me and that is how I help
Being me may hurt some people and may help others
Being me may ease some pains and others it may bother
Being me is healing
Being me is painful
Being me is for me
and to change it would be regretful
Coz if I push myself to change
what god gave me, I'd be in a cage
And then I’d lose my inner me
If the change’s not coming from within me
I will live alone
If that is why I was born
I will try to find my message
and I don’t want the whole package
I will try to find my peace
And in my heart, I know I'll find ease…