will u be lost...

Was it ten years ago?
When was the last time?
Was it on your wedding day?
No!.. no it was on mine
I remember it well and how it smelled
That day is carved like stone
I remember how you smilled at me
and then you were simply gone
I remember on your wedding day
As I watched you dance
I cried that day though I was ok
I was happy you found romance
But I knew right then that you; my friend
will never be the same
And I also knew that our friendship would end
And non of us is to blame
I loved you so much
A love like such
can't ever be compared
To any other love or any kind of feelings
That I might have once shared
Thats why I'm shaken
Yes, I'm not mistaken
Ten years have passed since then
I didn't expect to see you today
and start wondering since when!
Infact I didn't expect us
to easily grow apart
I was so sure we'd stay bestfriends
coz I held you dear in my heart
But between our weddings and after mine
we've talked a couple of times
You called once and I called once
now I have to break the ice
I don't know what to do
when all I want is to pull you close
and tell you how much I missed you
So many things I have to ask
Like what are your childrens' names
Are they as cute, do they know me
Are they driving you insane
So many times I said before
that I would marry you
But Even If! I know the truth
It was never the same for you
Now I'm walking up to my former bestfriend
with a genuine smile on my face
He looks at me with a plastic smile
trying to figure out a phrase
what will the first word be
exchanged hellos, then he again goes
or seeing me will make him happy...

Just a storyy...

And he’ll be a story
Like all the others I say
Somebody will be told about him
That he’s a guy who didn’t stay
I’ll say it’s a phase that I passed through
I’ll say they were wasted moments of my life
I’ll say “OH I REMEMBER, he’s a guy I knew!”
We were good friends and it’ll be just like
I never loved him, like I never cared
Like there weren’t stories that we once had shared
It will be like all those moments we’ve had
Are merely just moments and that is just that
It will be as if there never was chemistry
As if I never missed how he took care of me
It will just be a pile of love
That eventually went to waste
Because a mutual feeling of trust
Was never really based
Well I think that Is life
People come and go
In and out and in again
But you never really know
You may have all those friends
And think that you’re cared about
But then you fall in over your head
And there’s no one to bail you out
And when someone asks and says he’ll be there
Words are too cheap; he doesn’t really care
Coz caring means promises
Are bound to be kept
Many people said they’ll be there
And then they simply left
Neither giving excuses
Nor leaving a note
After swearing they wouldn’t hurt you
They leave you all distort
And he’ll be a story like all the others
And I know that he won’t even bother
To write him self into the story of my life
Coz he’s just like them
He just wants to seem nice
Surrounded by a million people
But yet so alone
No extremely high spirit
And only I can pull out my own
At least now I know to never expect
People to treat me with the same respect
Never wait for any action
Never be the reaction
I’ll have fun and I’ll be happy
But inside I’ll be alone
For that the illusion of what you would be
Is now completely gone…

P.S. this is about noone in particular its just the out come of a million feelings inside me that were caused by a billion situations that got me to that conclusion about the human nature in general... very few people who become able to escape that nature and be something else.

I'm sure I haven't met him yet...

I’m sure I haven’t met him yet
This guy who haunts my dreams
Not in the people that I’ve met
No matter how right they seemed
That guy who’d drive me home at night
Then doesn’t leave till I’m gone…
The one who’d give me his coat
When the rain is pouring on
Not because what people may think
Not to prove that he’s man
But because my warmth to him
Makes him warmer than a coat can
He’d ask me "how are you?”
And really want to know
He’d respect my plans
And his care he’d show
He would believe in me
He would believe in us
A building we built together
Forever and no one’s boss
I’d see him full of passion
As he looked in my eyes
He wouldn’t promise me forever
His dreams he won’t disguise
He’d ask me to be there for him
When he feels that he’s weak
Our words would mean so much
No awkwardness when we don’t speak
I’d love him with all my heart and soul
And he would see me true
Without an offer he’d give his all
He’d be all I ever knew
We’d have the peace and quiet
I’ve been always looking for
And at the same time we’d go everywhere
Do everything that we adore
He’d fill me up as he listened to me
As between our heart is a door
He could come into mine
And I will open his more
He’d know who I am, respect my thoughts
And he would let me be
Coz we’ll be together with all our parts
But both of us will be free…
To you whom I’ve never met
I miss you even more
More than when I didn’t know
That you’re what I needed at all.

With pleasure but just a second...

It would be my pleasure to let you go…It’s all I want to do
It would be great to have my peace… but I have to let you know
Even if it wasn’t the same
Even if it made you blue
Loving you was full of thrills
And it gave me a feeling so pure
I didn’t need you to love me at all
My smiles would catch me… if you let me fall
It was more than a pleasure… to be in love with you
Even if you didn’t know… it was really true
It bugs me to see it becoming a past
When I thought that’s it… I found you at last
But if I found something even you can’t see
How can I ever have it for me?
How can I hold on to a truth unknown?
How can I be in love… with a you that’s not shown?
That is if it is even there
To be frank I’m not sure I am being fair
I know your feelings are less than you show
I know I’m just asking for what you don’t know
I know you don’t love me
I know you don’t care
I know you want to treat me right
You don’t want to be unfair
I know I seem so crazy to you
I know you don’t understand
But loving you was not by choice
It was simply my heart’s demand
And what intrigued my soul even more
Is that it was a feeling never felt before
That feeling at first of total security
Although I knew you loved her with purity
When you told me to hold on and wait
At the beginning I didn’t hesitate
To fall into seas of an unknown fate
But then I got afraid of my shaken state
It’s scary I trusted you from the start
It’s strange that I knew it so deep in my heart
That you would take good care of me
And you told me what I craved will easily be
Maybe that’s why I am holding on
Because of your promise when it all begun
I still believe you when you talked with such confidence
And I am sure it is no coincidence
And although I know all what I just said
I’m still asking should I let it end.
Should I let it fade away from my head… now that it is easy to be just your friend?

just let me dance in peace

Around and around in circles
around eachother and far away
I was waiting for a miracle
and he was not eager to stay
I kept dreaming, kept on wondering
how my heart could be ok
thinking of ways to avoid the suffering
and not to bother him in any way
then the games kept on progressing
from my side and he didn't know
I had to act and be dismissing
while from my thoughts he wouldn't go
he never asked and he said nothing
but I said all whats on my mind
he said we're friends why all the thinking
I said in my mind u're SO much more
he didn't get my fear of trauma
though I had explained it before
realizing I was dancing in a drama
waltzing through life on a bumpy dance floor
and after that I told him I missed him
and he told me he sensed me no more
he said he felt guilty in moments like these
I smiled and I told him just let me dance in peace...

this is not like me! ( ana 3arfa eny 3'altana)

w 3ashan ana 3arfa eny 3'altana
mesh 2adra me3ak akoon nafsy
wala 3arfa at2al wala a3mel 7aga
wala 3arfa a2ool ely f nefsy
mesh 3arfa a2arab wala 7ata ab3ed
mesh 3rfa agarab aw 3la keda at3awed
3amala ba7areb nafsy b nafsy
w mesh 3yza fel la7za dy atgamed
abl ma ye7sal ely 7asaly
ana kont 3arfa enak 7asesny
w delwa2ty 7asak msh 7ases wala 2ader tefdal bassesly
w mesh men 7a2y as2al malak
w mesh 2adra a2ool el mafrood
mesh 3arfa a3mel eh 3ashanak
aw 3ashan a7es enak mawgood
men kam youm aw shahr keda
kont 3alaya bet7'af
wana 3ala keda mesh met3aweda
w da 7'alani menak a7'af
beny w benak e7sas taher
b sababy 7asa eno e7'tafa w geh makano le3b w ta2leef w 7agat tanya keteer mo2refa
fein kalamak ely kan beyhezeny
fein noorak ely kan beyemlany
fein alb kan bey7eseny
w kan bey2oly ew3y te7'afy
fein wa3d kan bena mwgood
eno law 7asal el mfrood
hatemlany be kol kowa hat7'aly ely fatny ye3oud
wa7ashteny w mesh 2adra asta7mel
ashoofak hena bas be3eed
w mafish e7'teyar 3'er eny akamel
w b sababy ana nary te2eed

Butterflies in my tummy!

That’s why I like it so much
When I have him online
I can capture every moment with him
And when I miss him I can just rewind
The tingles are always fresh
And the laughs remain sincere
I can be with him whenever I wish
And I like that there’s no fear
Now I’m waiting for a phone to ring
For a sign that he’s finally here
With butterflies in my tummy
His voice I’m waiting to hear
I’m wondering and thinking about this
I want the time to fly by
Coz every second that passes like this
Makes it harder and harder to try
I’m regaining my composure
Trying to remain VERY calm
But I know that soon I will lose it
And in this there is no harm
I already lost it when I never had it
And that’s not happening again
And now I’m eager not like my habit
Trying to gain all control on myself
BUT NO! I just can’t wait
When is tomorrow coming?!!
I believe I am bound by fate
But his song is the tune I’m humming
Please let him be you
Please let it feel right
Please let this be through
And ease up the fight
Please hold me together
And fill me with care
Please let me be better
And with us be fair
I’m leaving all matters in the hands of god
And I will feel clear whether it happens or not…

As he waited for that call

As he waited for that call
The one that never came
With every time he hears the phone
He hopes to say her name
He remembers that he has no choice
He has to wait in shame
He might never again hear her voice
And she once had felt the same
He remembered what he told her
Back when they were together
He said those little things you do
Are what makes me search for better
You just come out of nowhere
With unexpected actions
Then you are surprised by me
You don’t expect my reactions
He remembered at that moment
While waiting for her call
That look on her face that day
Her eyes with her spirit fall
He didn’t believe he hurt her that way
He didn’t see it at all
He thought that he was doing ok
He thought he was standing tall
Then he noticed what he should have noticed
What was obvious al along
That all what he used to think of as flaws
Is all why he knew they belonged
He remembered the look in her eyes
When she looked in his eyes and he held her
He remembered the way that she smiled
When she made his heart beats double
He couldn’t believe
What he just let leave
He couldn’t understand the trouble
He might never hold her hand again
And he knows quite well
What he’ll feel then
How could he have said that there was better?
He should have just held on to her forever
And at this moment his beauty called
And his heart began to shatter
As her voice made him fall
Nor saying I love you, not saying she’s better
She only remembered she forgot her sweater!

Feels like...

Feels like I’m losing
What I never had
His feelings are snoozing
The moment went bad
And it doesn’t matter
How much I ask
I broke something once
That’s hard to get back
But no matter how hard it is
If I’ll always try
I’m not giving up this time
I’m here till it dies
I’m not gonna go
Unless he asks me to leave
I’m not saying so
But I really believe
It is in our karma
To endure what just happened
I made a mistake
And I acted stupid
But then it will all
Work out for the best
We’ll take a decision
And then comes the rest
Whether for me
For her or another
The most important thing
Is I went out and offered
What’s bugging me now
Is how hard am working
It was once right there
Now my heart is aching
I’ll never forgive me for
Letting you go
Each day I remember
What you once let me know
Your words like a constant
Tape in my head
I keep on remembering
Everything you once said
I keep on reliving
The feelings you brought
It was really special
I spoiled it; I thought
It was very true from
Your side and mine
And here lays my hope
Even if you’re not tryin'

Doing everything when doing nothing

“What did I do!” he said
With an innocent smile
He just messed with my head
And I couldn’t reply
He said you keep writing
And I don’t know how
I told him I don’t know
You’re doing it right now
He said I’m doing nothing
I told him but you are
And he seemed very puzzled
And that is the start
I just want to tell him
I mean every word
I just want to tell him
It’s true what he's heard
He just has to know
That he makes me fly
With nothing at all
I grin like a child
I don’t know what to call it
Or what is its kind
he makes me so happy
And he's not even mine
Well you know what?
He gives me inspiration
The purity of his words
Frees my imagination
And even some times
He doesn't really speak
And then his silence
Is all that I seek
And he keeps on saying
“I don’t understand”
He does when he doesn’t
And I really can’t
Explain how it happens
But it happens so fast
He's doing everything
When doing nothing in fact

No need to cry today

She is crying and he says
No need to cry today
She has to tell him that she lost
But he just won’t let her say
He tells her that he knows her
Knows what she’s all about
That she doesn’t have to act with him
but the others should have their doubts
He says you should be too hard to get
So when you’re got they won’t forget
How hard it was to get u there
Then she told him that it was unfair
She said I know you like me no more
She said your feelings are not like before
She said though mine are floating now
I don’t have the right to advise you how
I know that I lost you and that is my fault
I know that apologies don’t matter at all
But as we both know I can’t take it back
If only I could I’d return and attack
All of the fears and all of the lies
The fears I had inside of me
The lies I told me to disguise
All the pain I was trying to avoid
But instead of healing came the pain of the void
The void that your heart left behind
Although you probably do not know
You filled my heart and mind
He told her what you’re saying
Has nothing new
You know I wasn’t feeling
The same about you
You know that any pain this caused
You probably caused more
You know that it would be hard
To have it like before
So what’s making you say all of that stuff?!
She said if I may this time ill be tough
He told her are you really sure about that?
She said I’d break my heart if that’d bring you back
He said well I can promise you one thing
She told him what's that and what will it bring?!
He told her I promise I will disregard
All what you did when making up my mind
She told him that’s fair but go back to the start
He told her I promise I’ll try from my heart
She said I miss you though you are still here
He didn’t respond and she has no fear
She trusts that he will do all what is best
And if she deserves it he’ll forgive and forget…

2aly leh testa3gely!!

La2eito bey2ool mesh lazem delwa2ty
Wana kont khayfa ye2ool 7alan
W kan sa3etha lazem hamshy
W kont hakhsaro Kaman
La2eito bey2ool khody balek men nafsek
La2eito bey2oly matkhafisshh
La2eito bey2oly fakary kewayes
W mesh lazem ya delwa2ty ya mafish
2aly ana bas khayef 3aleiky
mesh mohem delwa2ty ana
lw 2olna en el mwdoo3 ba2a f edeiky
tedmany haye7sal eh f sana?
Fakary shewaya b 3a2lek
Shoofy enty 3wza eh
Kol elly ba2olo da 3lashan khatrek
Omal ana ba2olo leh
Lw 2olna hatemshy men3’eir tafkeer
W hate3mely 7agat keteer
Ye3gebek tela2y fel akher
enek enty kheserty keteer
Ana lw 3laya mesh hakhsar 7aga
Keda keda haksab fel 7altein
Bas 3ashan enty far2a me3aya
ne3mel el a7sanlena e7na el etnein
ana mesh 3awzek tendamy
lw me3aya aw ma3 3’eiry
ana bas 3awzek tefra7y
w ye7salek kol el kheir
ya benty enty lesa so3’ayara
mesh lazem testa3gely khales
la2eity nafsek met3’ayara
khofty men nafsek w khalas?
ana Kaman lazem at2aked
aktar menek da akeed
3lashan a3raf eny asbetlek
w terta7y mel awel w gedeed
tool ma7na mabsoteen delwa2ty
l eh tany me7tageen?!
w mafish 7aga momken nekhsarha
hanefdal l ba3d mawgodeen…

Never will be sorry enough

I let myself go with the flow
I left my heart and I let you go
I let my fear control my mind
I watched me go as if in a tide
I never will be sorry enough
For what I did to you
I never will be sorry enough
For not coming through
I’ll never be able to defend
My inability to fight
I am saying this with all my heart
That you were really right
When you said I saw the closer ship
And that’s where I had to ride
This time I can’t defend myself
From mistakes I won’t hide
I’ve never been as stupid as this
I’m saying with no pride
Please forgive me for everything
Please see it from my side
Let me in and let us be
An important lesson this was for me
Let’s take our time to get it together
Just build it up make it better and better
I’ll never be able to stand alone
Your strength for my power and my strength for your own

Before losing me to myself

Before losing me to myself
I used to be another girl
Before losing me to myself
I had a careful mind
Before being so out of control
I used to think I had it all
A mind, a heart, an awake soul
And I never had to hide
Before my devil broke me
I never used to try
To let my self be happy
I had my peace of mind
I used to let it be
Let my soul go free
Knowing my limited rights and wrongs
The things I put for me
Before I never used to think about a lot of things
Like I never used to doubt myself
I knew what my actions could bring
I never had a reason to think that I was bad
I never had a conflict in sync
With events I might have had
Well before I was so weak
Before I was also wrong
Before I did the right for reasons
Reasons that didn’t belong
Before I used to think
That the goodness was so clear
Before I never feared my self
I didn’t know what’s real
I didn’t think that my biggest enemy
Was in fact inside
I didn’t know that what could hurt me
Was the devil I was trying to hide
Now I know that inside of me
I have to face what’s true
Now Ill fight for what will be
And my weakness will hopefully be through….

Beit gedety...

Malmomeen kol youm gom3a
Kobar w so3’ayareen w keda
Ned7ak w kol el nas sam3a
Molokheya w kofta 3al 3’ada
Nel3ab ma3 ba3d men badry el sob7
Le7ad ma nenzel el sala
Da makan gamiil kolo far7a
W hayefdal howa mahma gara
Howa da beit gedety
Betna we7na so3’ayareen
W keberna aho w beit gedety lesa mekhaleena far7aneen
Henak awel makan aro7o
Sa3et lama etwaladt
W aho kebert w gowa ro7o
Hala2y ketaby etkatab
Shahed 3alaya men youm melady
W ye3raf kol 7ekayaty
Makan aham a7das 7ayaty
W barga3 leeh mahma 7asal..
W la2eno 3’aly 3alaya gedan
W feeh adan el sala yedan
7abeit a3arafko 3aleeih
W nefsy f youm teb2o me3aya feeh
Aslo da beit gedety
W feeh ebtadet kesety

I got lost...

It was a river of passion
And I got lost…
Inside the little ripples
All my pains I forgot
In its tender tiny waves
I let my self dream
And the water continued to rave
I became a little stream
In side the eyes with the little smile
I stopped before I begun
No more thinking and I stayed for a while
I felt all the light of the sun
In a simple move all my dreams come true
As simple as that I’m in love with you
In this dream world I find your heart
But in the real world will we be apart?
As loose as a bird feeling bright as a star
Tight in a grip that makes me go far
No dreams no realities
No now no tomorrow
Not a minute after this
Not a minute before
There is nothing to miss
Nothing to look back to
This moment is what it is
A moment that is true
Unplanned and full of bliss
I will always remember this
Remember you and how you make me feel
And pray with all my heart that this feeling is real.

A truth...

Life is a state of mind

And you know the truth by the way it feels

If you convince your mind that you exist

Your heart will be able to feel

Alive you are not gone in the mist

You know you are so real

But if you say I won’t be missed

Then that’s the end of the deal

Reality is nothing but a dream or a nightmare

You cause it to happen then you say it is unfair

Sometimes things do get out of hand

But then you learn and you understand

Life is the lesson that you shouldn’t miss

You have to realize how simple it is

And though very simple it is complicated

As it’s not yours alone other’s are related

You live their lives and they live yours

You all are together though you have different goals

But remember that all the goals complete each other

That even evil itself is a part of the puzzle

If evil did not exist

Then good wouldn’t be there too

There would be no worriers of light

There would be no demons to fight

And then there would be no higher objective

Nothing in life would be ever effective

So know one thing that is for sure

That no matter how right and wrong may be obscure

The truth is known by the way it feels

And the relativity of judgment

Only makes you sincere

You should live your life with absolutely no fear

As the challenge is to act and survive each fall

Getting hold of all the facts and not backing out at all.

My battle with time

So it was one month in a year
A year that was so cold
In the time I was possessed by fear
And my heart was growing old
I found my self so ignorant
Unable to please myself
I was starting to be reliant
Feeling like a picture on a shelf
Doing nothing to act
All I do is just react
A useless toy to be exact
Doing nothing for me at all
I wanted so much to wait and see
Try to find out how things will be
But then things turned out to be obscene
And I knew that minutes were running out
I found myself in a battle with time
That when ever I wanted anything it turned out to be not mine
And when something good comes along
I seem to feel it is just wrong
And when something does feel so right
I eventually turn out to be losing the fight
And then things are good at both sides
But then the matter of time makes us subside
As when I am ready the others are not
And when they are ready I am not
And if we’re both ready something stands in the way
And if it keeps on going like this I will not be ok
I am trying my best to be easygoing
Trying to accept how things are recently flowing
But my head hurts, my heart hurts and my soul is aching
I am desperately trying everything to keep my heart from breaking
I am trying to understand why happiness must be so hard
Why whenever I need something so bad it has to be really far
Maybe its because when happiness finally comes
The taste is so sensational it makes you over come
All the pain that you’ve been through
And all the things that ever broke you
That when you get what you want in the end
When being finally yourself not having to pretend
You tend to appreciate the things that you have passed
You tend to feel glad that you are there at last!

A grown up!!!

I was going home the other day
The streets were really crowded, but it was ok
I was looking out the window at the people around me
Watching everyone thinking how to be happy
Then came by my window a guy in a tie
He was driving this fancy car looking ready to fly
Full of ambition, has future dreams
But what caught my attention is how young he seems
He could easily pass for a guy my age
Then I thought he’s got a license that’s really strange!
Suddenly I realized that I’ve got one too
I said “oh my god! He’s probably twenty two”
22 is really, so close to my age
Then I realized that soon I could be engaged
Believe me I am not saying a bunch of weird things
By the time my granny was 18 she had a little kid!
And that’s when it hit me that I actually grew up!
That now the little babies think of me as their top!
Oh my goodness now “A grown up” is what I am
It’s a few more years till they start calling me m’am!
I found it very hard to believe
That though almost a lady little I have achieved!
Hahaha! Almost a lady that’s very funny
It seems like just yesterday I was playing with my bunny!
I don’t know what I should say or what I have to do
This poem is probably pointless but it is a break through!
I’ve reached a decision and that’s how it goes:
That no matter how old my body grows
Inside myself Ill remain a child…
Ill be this little baby girl dreaming to be a bride.

Born to be me...

And it’s all because I was born to be me... not to be them…
And they were never to be me... nor will he give up him…
I know now today
That this is it for me
that if it’s meant to be
I’ll one day be happy
I know now that I
might never one day fly
I know now that things
are hard given how hard we try
Living in a fairy tale
is no longer my case
I realize that there is fate
and this truth I will embrace
I opened myself to life and love
and I learned about pain
and learned that above
All my plans and all my dreams
There is reality that isn't like it seems
Now I know that in life
There must be suffering
And if the world gives me one thing
there’s something it isn’t offering
I will just cope with what I have
I won’t despise what I can’t grasp
I will live with my fears and dreams
Hoping that life will be happier than it seems
All I can do is keep being my self
Coz I was born to be me and that is how I help
Being me may hurt some people and may help others
Being me may ease some pains and others it may bother
Being me is healing
Being me is painful
Being me is for me
and to change it would be regretful
Coz if I push myself to change
what god gave me, I'd be in a cage
And then I’d lose my inner me
If the change’s not coming from within me
I will live alone
If that is why I was born
I will try to find my message
and I don’t want the whole package
I will try to find my peace
And in my heart, I know I'll find ease…

can't we be free together?

You don’t have to see what I see
Nor do I have to share your views
We can live together in harmony
If each of us only knows
We don’t have to change
We have to understand
In order to be happy inside
We should stop our demands
You and I can be different
With parts that complete each other
You can have a view
I can have another
Some ideas won’t fit with mine
But those ideas I won’t undermine!
We don’t have to be exactly the same
We can share our life without sharing a name
As long as the basics to the concept are one
We can be together, that’s where we begun
You know me inside
Why don’t u trust my heart?
I know you know the base of me
I know we aren’t apart
I don’t want a trap
Nor do I want a gap
If that’s how it will be
I don’t want it for me
I want us to be happy forever
And stuck I don’t want to be
Can’t we just be free but together?
Can’t we both see what we want to see?!

she is losing herself ( why all the good goes bad)

she is losing her self
she is losing her sight
she is losing her life
she is in a bad state of mind
she refuses to listen
to what I have to say
she doesnt want to talk to me
she thinks she is ok
she let me down
when I never thought she could
she let me down
and she won't admit she would
she thinks she is the victim
to all the human crimes
she thinks she has to fall in love
and she's not picking the guy
she won't believe my words
and she won't believe my heart
she thinks I am misjudging her
and thats why we're growing apart
she's acting like miss perfect
and I hate to see her that way
I want her to clearly see it
but she won't let me today
and if its not today
nor tomorrow not ever
she will not be ok
and I'd lose her forever
so if she wants to be blind
and leave her self behind
I won't from her hide
coz I see her soul
she is my bestfirend
it would hurt to see it end
but she won't lose me because
I just won't let her fall!
may god clear up her state
and make her appreciate
what she clearly has
and stop her from going bad!

I dont know!( I am confused)

I met him a month or two ago
maybe even a year
I knew him in those past few days
and I'm really happy he's here
he makes me feel good about myself
he knows how to treat me right
to get my words into his soul
I really don't have to fight
he helps me be my inner me
I dont have to follow my whims
what if I just met the guy of my dreams!
what if that is really him
what if thats my one chance
to make a dream come true
and then you dont feel the same
and my fate is to fall for you
maybe god wants to punish me
for being with all the wrong hearts
but whenever I talk to you about things
we end up talking about her
you seem to love her deeply
or atleast u think u do
and I dont want to fool myself
into believing that my dream came true!
you understand me when I talk
and find my goals high and strong
I see your clean soul and ur deepness
and you never did anything wrong
I am not ready to get into things
I dont know if I can follow through
well you call me ur sister alot
maybe thats who I am to you
and anyway I have to stop myself
from hurting myself again
I also am so worried
to be fooling myself into fitting in
pretending I found the guy for me
and then everything goes bad
and if anything happens or not
am treating him as my pal
and whatever happens ill be glad
either way we'll be friends as long as we can....

A 100 years' extacy or eternity?!... WRITTEN(28/2/2006)

You're high you're flying
high above the sky
You think that you've got it
that you're living your life
You think that you aren't missing out on anything
but you're missing out on what your life may bring
You think you're gaining everything that you can possibly have
that you wouldn't have missed a single thing when u become an old man
but by being high you already are not living your full life
you're preventing your inner soul from floating up above
so tell me what's important here;
our happiness of now or an afterlife of tears???!!
Tell me is a 100 years' extacy worth more than eternity!

be invisible for a while 16/1/2007

I want to write
but I don't have much to express
I want to talk
but I dont know who I want to listen
im not so happy not quiet sad
not heart broken not feeling bad
I'm strong but weak
I'm relieved but in pain
I dont want to be with you though I want you back again
god this is really confusing
in fact it is quite amusing
WOW its expected
you see me that way
yeah its true what I suspcted
that you're perfectly ok
god I just want to take a break
be invisible for a while
so I wouldn't have to be fake
live everything like its on a trial
not give or take
be alone just be awake
I want to be able to live with my concience
being ok not doing all that non sense
though I want to live a dream
i want to believe the world is better than it may seem
I hope it lets me
I hope I wont be again decieved
I wish that my only future thing
will make me feel relieved

green is the new pink!

They say green is the new pink
They say that when in love you should frown
They say that you should not think
That laughing is a sign that you're down
They say all those crazy things and they think it's being sane
well I do really think that things will never be the same again
you say I'm not the girl for you
you say our differences are real big
I knew you weren't what I wanted
but it didn't mean for me a thing
Yes I wanted to be with you
no matter how many fights we had
you say you'll always love me
you said things that made me mad
you apoligized for ever hurting me
said you were starting to change
but why change away fromme you could have done it here beside me
you could have gotten rid of your rage
you u made me leave
and though I left it still hurts so much
and even if they say blue is the new brown
I'll still cry when I'm down
Smile when I'm in love
and believe in what I'm thinking of
I'll always be me
inside I'm always free
might be flying yet in pain
but I'll be able to love again!